Here I Am

I saw a post on Facebook earlier this week it said something like,

An old man once said....There comes a time in life when you  walk away from all the drama and the people who create it.  You surround yourself with people who make you laugh, forget the bad, and focus on the good.
So love the people who treat you right, pray for the ones who don't.  Life is too short to be anything but happy.
Falling down is a part of life, getting back up is living.

That is how I am feeling.  This last year has been rough.
I'm sick of the drama that has surrounded me.
Sick of my reaction to it.
Unhappy with the unwanted stuff I have allowed into my life and my family.


I haven't posted in almost 2 weeks.  I've been "resting" (mostly sleeping day and night with the exception of the half days I'm working right now and the drive) doctor's orders, literally.  I'm on a trial run of 2 weeks, with the possibility of 4-6 total.  I think the whole reason I am in this shape  is because after so long negativity of "life" overwhelms your mind and takes over your body's well being.

One of the reasons why I went back to the original title of my blog, "Ramblings From The Foothills" because that is what I want it to be. Just me rambling about what I want.  Fun stuff, funny stuff, recipes and daily life that is not negative!  Not that it hasn't been, but "It Is What It Is" fit the whole "attitude" I had picked up.

Today I want to be washed clean.  Start a fresh with a fresh slate.
That is one of the greatest things about being a child of God, His mercy and grace He continually pours out upon us even when we continue to be hard headed.  

Slate is clean.
I am being refreshed.
Tomorrow is a new day and the first day of the rest of my life!

Every day I keep thinking I am going to blog, but between work, not sleeping from all DH's snoring this week, and just flat out being tired I have managed none.  I find it another Sunday and I am just NOW posting for the week.  It's ok, I'm living a pretty boring life at the moment so there isn't much to tell that would be funny or of interest to you.

I can honestly say that while looking out at work this week seeing this coming down 

That the Kentucky Snow Princess has seen enough, and I am ready for it to go!!  I mean either drop the mother load on us and quit this 4" here and 4" there.  I want a big one so we can be done with Old Man Winter.  So needless to say I have been happy to see the sun the last 3 days. 

Yesterday I took my lovely Momma to breakfast at Cracker Barrel.  I had been craving some of their pancakes with cherries and whip cream.  YUM.  After that we went to Cato's, Two Sisters, and Rudy's something or another, lol.  Anyways, I found this lovely comforter, shams, and bedskirt from JC Penney for $25.  Brand new, still in the bag.  Oh yeah, my Momma does good!!

(I know, doesn't it just set that beautiful wallpaper off???)

On our way home we stopped at another JC Penney outlet type store Granny Sales and I purchased these two lovely black leather chairs for a grand total of $43. 

I know, they don't really match anything I have, or anything I plan to decorate with BUT, I LOVE them. 

And they sit really really good, considering they look like they won't. 

Today after Church the family was over for lunch. 

Baked Spaghetti, tossed salad, french bread along with butter pecan cake and lemon cake.

What can I say, Momma and I got cake crazy. 

I had enough left over to take to the couple next door.

Now as I am blogging, DH is lovingly putting up my newest light fixtures.

3 more to go that we have ready. 

We also have a contractor coming in to start our new guest bath this week.

Here is the before picture.

Ok, now to get caught up on my blog reading! 

Everyone have a great week!!

Weekend Ramblings

Ok, nothing too exciting over the weekend but here is the recap.

Been fighting off this "sickness" I've been feeling all week. 

Woke up during the early morning Friday, chest pain, stomach burning, vomiting, fever.

YAY!!  

So I called in sick and took it easy.  

It didn't go away, it only got worse the next two days. 

So while at home Friday, I took these pictures with my phone from the upstairs windows.

yep, we got more snow.

This is from the side door at Aunt Mattie's were I spent the weekend being pampered 

by her and cousin Kat. 

Where Kat made me these AWESOME coconut and lime cupcakes.

There are no words for how awesome they were/are because I'm still eating on them :)

I am feeling somewhat better.

Now I'm just waiting on Friday. 

Here I Am

It has been 19 days.

Today is the first day I have seen some sunlight.

The fog is slowly taking it's time lifting.

I guess I realized I have to pull myself together and keep going.

God has, and will sustain me.

This time has been much more difficult.

I haven't felt the normal guilt of "I didn't do enough" or "I should have done ...."

The grief has been tremendous for me & DH both.

I will NOT be discouraged.  I will NOT scream "Why ME?"

I will NOT be mad.  (Because people say stupid inappropriate things)

I will NOT be bitter because this precious baby made #8.

GOD is still in CONTROL!!!

36 Days until our big trip on the bird

We are really excited to be with Bro & Sis Speer.

Before we go our days are jammed packed.

Nan's 80th Birthday is Tuesday the 20th.

Our 9th Wedding Anniversary on the 28th of April

The UPC Ladies Retreat Weekend.

Where I get to hear someone who can encourage me

like this lady did many times in her life.

Thank You Sis Nona for your Life of Service to the Lord.

Mother's Day.

My most dreaded Holiday of the year.

Imagine why.

(Seriously, I have to ask.  Just because all my babies reside in Heaven with Jesus

that doesn't make me any less a Momma does it?

Then don't treat me like it or go feeling all sorry for me)

Sorry, it's a peeve of mine.

Then there is the 4 day

here at Brock McVey Co.

Thursday thru Sat 7am to 7pm.

I think we are on overload!!

Then the next Thursday, LIFT OFF!!

Ok, so now I'm kinda sorta back to my blogging.

Hope I didn't bore you to death.

What has been going on in the blog world?

Saturday in the Hills

It's a fairly warm Saturday here in the hills for a Saturday in Jan.

Suppose to top out today at 55.

The sun is trying to sneak it's little head out and say "howdy".

I know it's hard to believe but I am still in my jammies here at 2pm

and to be perfectly honest, I don't know that I will get out of them today.

It's so nice to just be lazy!!!

DH asked this morning if I would fix "Lennie's Duck"

which is a dish here in the hills we fix.  Who knows, maybe others do?

It's great with a big pone of cornbread and glass of sweet tea, Mmmm..

I told him that was fine, and since I had the stuff, I would make the

Lemon Meringue Pie with Cookie Crumb Crust from over at Southern Plate.

Christy sure does know how to make a mean lemon pie.

 

We had a piece of Ice box Lemon Pie which is

similiar to this at Bozo's Hot Pit Bar-B-Que in Mason TN

(outside of Memphis TN) a few years back on our anniversary. 

It was awesome!!  I guess so since I learned while looking for an addy to it

this morning that Hard Rock Cafe' has bought them out,

and trying to make them an international success as well.

Which is somewhat disappointing since it was a great small town place.

It also is where they filmed part of Walk The Line about Johnny & Juny Cash.

DH had to have some bar-b-que sauce to go

That is what is in the brown bag, not booze.

Although it is addictive as booze some would say.

Reason why I love DH today?

1. He went to Wally World so I didn't have to, and took my brother

2. He is outside taking down all the Christmas lights while it's still warm

3. Simply because he loves me so.

So here is the recipe for Lennie's Duck

(I will have DH take a picture to post later)

• 1lb of hamburger
• 1/4lb pork sausage
• 6 potatoes peeled & quartered
• 2 large onions quartered
• 4 carrots sliced
• 1 head of cabbage quartered

Mix hamburger & sausage with salt and pepper.  Roll into balls about the size of a quarter.

Place in 13x9x2 inch pan.  Add potatoes, carrots, onions. 

I usually pull my cabbage quarters apart and lay across the other stuff.

I usually only use half the cabbage, and sometimes even fix it seperate as boiled cabbage.

Salt a little again (or alot if you're me)

Cover and cook at 400 for 1 1/2 hrs.

Serve with Cornbread and Sweet Tea!

 

How Do I

This evening is an evening of "How?"

What started out as a great evening of having supper with my brother Josh has turned into a horrible evening of "How?"
I sat across the table from him trying to hold myself together as I hear him tell me a story of a family member.
Of how he and his wife are both "using" and what was going on the other night at their house with them and their kids.  My heart breaks into.  Their little boy is within days of being born of what our Gracie should've been. 
How is it possible that he would be brought into the world with parents who love him, but are bringing him up in a completely horrible enviorment, when DH and I long for our baby still.

How is it possible that I not be mad or hurt at that?

How do I keep holding on to my promise from God when I feel like I have lost all my faith and hope?

How do I hold myself together when I am around them and not want to scream that he should be mine?

How do I not hurt for those little kids and myself at the same time?

How do I keep pushing myself to go on in life, when some days it makes me not even want to open my eyes?

How do I keep myself from yelling at people when they think they know what is best for us and freely give advise, thoughts ect that I am so sick of hearing that I could scream?

How is it that I can have such a wonderful life, family and husband and still feel this great empty gap inside that I walk around hiding from the world?

How horribly wrong of me when I know people have it much worse than not just having a child?

How long will I be heartbroke?

I almost feel like it is wrong to post this. 
I hate to post negative things. 
Yet, it's still life. 
No one is  happy every day. 
It feels like I am whinning in the grand scheme of things. 
It is such a personal issue that I find it so hard to talk to anyone about even to family. 

I just want it out of my system, and maybe for tonight it will be. 
Maybe I will have one night of peace.
One night of not sitting in the bedroom looking at an empty crib
Waiting for the day...........

Tonight I will remind myself as His word says,

 And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.  II Corinthians 12:9

Do You Think I Have A Problem?

Seriously I have to ask. 
The other day I realized while DH was asking me "who" I was talking about like he should know that I was talking bout one of you all.  I know.  I know.  Some parts of me feels like it's sad and that I have no life.
Other parts of me feel happy for YOU that I like your blogs so much!! 

For example the other evening on the way home from work I was sharing with Dave about Becky from "In The Trenches" story about how she and Mike met and their story.  I loved that story, what can I say?
Dave also enjoys to talk extensively about politics where as I like to be informed but am not obsessed as he is but I really enjoy sharing with him about stuff that Tammy at "Time Flies" blogs about.  DH also knows who Luvpilot is and his "new love" that I not so secretly love as well.  He is my back up for pleading my case with DH.
We pray daily for Georgie and her family as they go through so much with Dad.

After working all day at the same place with there being an hour there and an hour home I don't want to discuss work or the problems there.  That is our rule.  The first 15mins we can talk about work and get it off our chest, after that it's officially off the table.  Since we are gone from 6:30am to 6:30pm or later my day is generally shot by the time we get home, do supper, dishes, etc.  That leaves my daily contact you all and my immediate family.  Now you've become my second family!!
Is it wrong to say I love you guys??
Oh well, as the saying goes, Que Sera Sera.
I should mention DH has some concerns regarding my visiting Farm Chick he feels pretty confident that she is connected to the increase of his waistline with all the new recipes I've been trying.\

You tell me what you think.

My Day

How do you make the weekends longer??
This one has flew by. Being sick took up most of it and let me tell you, I am SOOOOOO over that. I've had enough. DH has had enough of it. We wanted to go on a picnic today but by the time we did church and came home, we were whooped. We spent most of the afternoon on the couch/chair saying, "can you pass me the kleenex box back?" Sad huh? We were feeling kinda spry this morning. Maybe it was the trip to church with Nan?
See my Nana lives next door. She is 79 and is currently going through her second childhood. She wants what you have. She pouts, oh my does she pout. And now on top of everything else, she talksnonstopanddoesntknowwhentohush. Get my drift? So this morning she was bright and cheery (which means she thinks she knows something. For the next 30 minutes to church we were enlighted by the town gossip. Please note the "town gossip" consist of her, and the lady who lives across the street from us. Our little "town" consist of a 4 way stop. In her day it was much more. Anyways, the town gossip generally consist of what 1 neighbor is doing to the house I grew up in and is remodeling, and the other neighbor to her whom we refer to as the "Cat People". Don't get me wrong, I don't hate cats, but I think it's unhealthy to live in a house that might be 800 sq ft, if that with a minimum of 20 cats. Everyday I want to call the health dept. Especially on days they let the cats out and they walk across my vehicles. Ahhh yes, the joys of old age. I do not want to get old. My Momma says when she starts showing any signs of acting like Nan to put her away in the nursing home. I told her they won't take her this soon. : )
Today Chell came and brought my nephew Hunter down. Of course Dave and I couldn't spend any time with him since we both have strep and are still running fevers. How long will it take for this crud to go away?? I am ever so cranky. haha.

Alright, enough with my boring life. What did everyone else do this weekend?

Did I happen to mention I was estatic to see all the comments on my blog today?? Wow, I felt really special!! I love SITS. If you are not a memeber, you should. You can find some really cool blogs.
Alright, I have to get some sleep for work tomorrow, another Monday, YEA!!

Is it just me.......

I slept in this morning for the first time in I don't know when. DH woke me up going through stuff in our "filing drawer". See, we sold the T-Bird he had when we met, and while he was off yesterday sick he didn't look for the title ect. until this morning around 9:45 when we had to go 30minutes away to the courthouse. GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR............why do men do this crap?? Is it just mine or does anyone else have this problem?? Ok, I understand he's sick. I should feel bad since I gave him the strep, BUT it doesn't matter if he's sick or not. It's ALWAYS last minute with him. Then when you're halfway to your destination he hits the steering wheel, (this let's me know he forgot something without saying so of course). This is a continuous re-occurring process when he does something. It irritates the beegeebees outta me.
Ok, back to the waking up late. So I asked him if he wanted me to go with him. "You don't have to, but if you want to......blah, blah, blah" Alright, enough already, just tell me you want me to go or not, I don't really care!!!!!!
So of course I go. He says as we're going towards the door, "Do you want to take the Jimmy or the car?" I'm thinking does it matter?? Just pick one, we're LATE!!! (The courthouse closes at 11 on Saturday, did I mention that?). As I am getting dressed I realize our bedroom looks like a tornado has gone through it and I ask, "Does this bedroom look like a Maria bedroom to you??" Response as he looks around the room, "Nooo...." looks up at me with deer in the headlight look. Then my questions is always, "How did it get this way?!?!"
I have been sick all week. I know I am grumpy. BUT while I was off those two days I did manage to run the dust, run the sweeper, and clean the fridge out, even though I felt like a Mack Truck and I had become close, close as in it running over me backing up and doing it again x 3. He on the other hand on a good day can't pick up his clothes that he takes off!!! The 5 pairs of shoes at the door?? His reasoning, "Well, I might need a pair".
As we are on the way back from the courthouse he ask, "what do you want to do with the rest of the day?" I said, "clean up the house since my fairy didn't come while I was at work". He says nothing.
I come into the house and I want to scream bloody murder. But I don't. I can feel it festering up inside of me. I start picking stuff up and realize it's his stuff. Papers, magazines, shoes, etc. So I quit because I start getting aggravated again at him. Then I think, I'll wash a load of clothes. I go to sort the clothes. He has 3 loads to my 1. How is this possible?? ***Big Sigh****
What has happened to me?? When I look at myself, I want to know what happen to that girl I use to be. Where did she go? What is she doing these days because she doesn't live in this body anymore. Heck, I don't even realize this body/blob.
I look around me and I don't even see anything in my home, or my life that resembles me. Or does it resemble this blob I see in the mirror daily?
I don't want to be a bad wife. I don't want to be a nagging wife either. I want him to have a nice home, that looks like he has a good wife. I want it to smell fresh and be clean. I don't have to have an immaculate looking home, just organized, clean. I can handle lived in, but ram sacked, no way. It's not as though I have any more time than he does. We work at the same place, ride the same distance, keep the same work hours.
Sorry, I know this is not my usual post but I am so frustrated. I will try better next post. I just had to get that out.