As I stood at this kitchen sink this morning washing up the punch bowl I watched the snow fall as softly as I felt the tears running down my cheek. I was thinking of a text I received from a dear friend this morning telling of how lonely her and her husband's Christmas had seemed with no children or grandkids in their home. I felt the loneliness for her. This year the house has felt so empty. I thought maybe it was just being in the new house and not quite feeling like it's "our home" instead of living in someone else's house. Yesterday my home was full of family and comfort food but there was no comfort. I felt like the lyrics from "Pretty Papper"
"In the distance of the ringing of laughter, and in the midst of the laughter he cries."
Last night after coming back from Christmas at Momma & Dad's I sat here snuggled on the couch with DH enjoying the lights of the Christmas tree finding myself wondering if we will ever hear the pitter patter of little feet in our house during Christmas. Someone peeking under the tree to see what is theirs. Asking when we are going to read the story about Baby Jesus. When they won't be able to sleep for the excitement of the next morning. Will there ever be that excitement and laughter in our home. In the midst of this I realized I have never felt more alone during Christmas. There was family, food and love, but and emptiness that is indescribable.
My precious cousin who also had multiple miscarriages and loss once told me, "Maria, just think your babies are complete perfection in Heaven with Jesus and will be waiting when you get there." I don't know how many times that kind word has kept me. Sometimes the human side of me is much more selfish and more days than not I want them here with me. Especially today when I should hear them laughing and playing. Begging to go out in the snow and play with Daddy & me while it's falling.
Today I will enjoy the day with Dave and the beauty of the day. I will be praying for all the other couples who are feeling the same grief as we are today and that their homes will be full of giggles and pitter patter soon.
I thought you would never arrive Mr. Christmas. I decorated my tree thinking you would show up. That didn't work so I decorated outside. I still didn't see you. I attempted to wrap some presents the other night. Still you were a no show. Oh THANK YOU Christmas mood for finally showing up at my house!! Even if you did start nudging me out of the bed at 5:30am this morning. Did you forget it's a Saturday?? Now after we finish our wonderful "Christmastime" coffee from Starbucks we will be on our way. I know you want to get crackin!!
I did make chocolate fudge, peanut butter fudge, no bakes, and a batch of peppermint bark Thursday night.
The chocolate fudge is oh so good!!! Thanks to this little lady right here who gave me the recipe. Thank you Miss Kerry. This year I have my normal list of things to make for Christmas, fudge, oreo truffles, sugar cookies, refrigerator cookies, m&m cookies, no bakes, potato candy, thin mint cookies, coconut balls, old fashion apple stack cake, red velvet cake just a few of the family favorites. Then I realized I have NONE of my recipes because I lost them all in the flood. Of course DH says, "Baby, you never use a recipe what is the big deal?" He's right, I rarely use a recipe but I do try to write down how I do it. With a Southerner cooking and baking are a little different. There are no real recipes it's a "dash" of this, a "handful" of this, lol. I know, I know.
So I'm winging it by "memory" which has really started to fail me here at the young age of 34.
Did I mention I'm going to try my hand at "Dishpan Cookies"? Yeah, I know, sounds ummmm.......interesting, yes? Well Miss Christy got my curiosity up with this one.
We have had about a total of 8 inches of snow this week. (I will have DH go out and get some pictures today to post) I love the snow. I know some people don't, but who wouldn't love a white Christmas? I can't remember the last time we had a BIG white fluffy Christmas here in Eastern Kentucky. I am looking forward to that. We are suppose to be getting another big hit sometime next week.
Christmas Eve dinner is going to be here at the new house this year. I am pretty excited about that other than I don't want to do the normal turkey and dressing, like we do at Thanksgiving. We usually add a ham but still.
DH is pushing for beef brisket. I am still thinking a nice prime rib. I still have a couple of days.
The only things I know for sure on the menu is, 7 layer salad, broccoli casserole, mashed potatoes, rolls and all the candies, cookies and desserts listed above.
Ms Fitzgerald is serenading me this morning. "Baby It's Cold Outside". My coffee cup is almost empty. I need to get busy wrapping and baking. What are your plans for Christmas? Any suggestions on Christmas Eve dinner?
Merry Christmas from My house to Yours!!
May God truly Bless You this Season and Always.
of the weekend...... How did it get here so fast? I can tell you. We started physical inventory at work Thursday right after we closed for the day and just finished up yesterday afternoon. That makes for some long days. With less than 5hrs sleep a night, DH and I are wore out. I have slowly started working on my Christmas decorating here at the house last night. I decided to forget trying to do 2 trees this year and go with one and be done with it. I like my stuff up the day after Thanksgiving and well, I've been a little unhappy not getting my tree started until today. What is the greatest part of Christmas yet at the same time? FAMILY. Oh yes, my MIL will be here no later than the 22nd. It is like her not to tell us when she's coming until the night before she leaves. You can only guess how much I love that. Even after 9yrs I have still not adjusted.
We had snow all weekend. To me that is WONDERFUL. Is there anything more beautiful than snow? Especially in December. I am hoping that at least with the year we have had God can grant me the wish of a big white Christmas. I've been good this year, well for the most part, but we won't go into that, lol.
I did purchase me a "Christmas Shirt". It has a picture of Santa with his "Naughty List" and it says, "I'm On The Naughty List Again". I thought it was cute.
DH and I have had a rough week together. We normally do not fight. I know most people say this isn't true BUT how do you fight with someone who won't fight back?? Seriously. I'm a female and like to be heard when I have something to say, He on the other hand just quits talking, anyways......
We have been having somewhat heated debates about our dog Jesse. He's a border collie I brought home as a surprise (to a man who did not want a dog, certainly not kept in the house) right after we had been married 5 months. Now the thing is, we are always gone. We work long hours where we leave at 6:30 and never get home until 6:30 or later. Now, anyone who has a border collie knows they need more attention than someone who works hours like that, and is back in the bed by 10pm. I feel like we are punishing Jesse. DH refuses to give him up to a good home. He is getting older and more set in his ways (DH, although Jesse is as well). Who knows when or if we will come to an agreement. Do you have any suggestions?
It's time to start the Christmas candy making and baking here. I just started my list this morning. DH was nice enough to put in his thoughts on what he wants. I guess he decided not to be mad long enough for that, lol.
What do you like to make/bake for Christmas?
What are some of your holiday traditions?