Transitioning

Transition. It’s almost become a dirty word to me. I’ve been stuck in “transitions” for the last 10yrs. Maybe longer but this particular one is taking its toll. We’ll get to how it all started 10yrs ago later but for now, I want to talk about the current one. 

It started about a year ago. It’s taken a few years for my pride to lesson enough to let people help me. Especially my folks. For so long my husband and I kept everything we went through extremely private and attempted everything on our own. Finally we let my folks in more. A little over a year ago my Mama was healed of stage IV breast cancer that had metastasized all over her body. That’s kinda how we got here. 

After her healing we slowly let them in more of how much I am struggling with my health. They stepped up, not only because she was better but in the year she was sick I found how much I love them and enjoyed their presence. That old saying that, you’ll hate your parents from around 14-22 is true. But if you’re fortunate enough they can become your closest friends and comfort. 

Now, about 5-6yrs ago my parents had become snowbirds. Spending 3-4 months at the ocean from Dec-March. This was good. We enjoyed the visit we would take down during this time. Before my Mama got sick, they’d talked about moving. That was a great idea, then. All that changed when she got sick, they decided to be snowbirds for the time. Then everything changed. She got better, I got worse. I needed and loved them being here so much. Mama on bad days just to be “here” and Dad taking me to all my doctors appointments because I didn’t need to drive. 

Then the last 8 months transpired. They kept saying they wanted to move to the ocean. I kept saying to do that they had to put their house up for sale. What was I thinking?? Lol. Their house sold within a couple of weeks and Sept 1st they were at the ocean. My latest transition started. I felt lost, my peace and joy gone. My husband and I were on our own again in this journey. 

Don’t get me wrong, we’re happy for their new journey. I just felt like things would never be normal again. Emotionally I’ve been holding it together with one bobby pin. It’s selfish, right? It’s just after almost losing her to cancer our relationships changed. I hate her & Dad not being 15mins away. The dog and I could run over. I miss my time bonding with my Dad. It took so long to get to this place with them. But I know God is still good. He will take care of me. 

For now, I’m enjoying the trips down to the ocean. Our relationships are moving to a different level. Plus I’m also getting to watch my youngest niece grow and change on these trips and visits. I couldn’t be more blessed. 

Oh How Time Flies....

It's amazing to me anymore how much time flies.  Oh yes, when I was younger, "older" people kept saying it would fly by quicker and quicker.  I did not realize how true this would be.  Tonight I was looking for this Dangerous Chocolate Cake Recipe.  It is from one of my earliest post when I started blogging in late 2008.  Who would've thought??  I started reading over several entries and I was in awe of how much has happened in all this time.  It has been over a month since my last post.  At one time I was posting daily, I had days I posted certain things, and so forth.  Now I'm lucky to post once a month?  

Time flies...........Life happens. 

I've made several friends here.  It has been awkward at times to say, "my friend, well from blog land" but you know, some of these ladies have become dear friends.  Who truly are as much my "life" known friends and more.  I still try to read blogs, but life happens.  

I've met new friends and lost old dear ones.

I've seen new life, and seen lives pass. 

Old homes wash away, new homes created. 

I keep thinking I will post more.

Or I'll start fresh with a whole new blog and ideas but this happened....

She came into our life unexpected.  Now she is the brightest spot. 

The situation is not the best, but we continue to believe God is in control.

So for now I will post when I can post

Read what is going on with everyone else.

but most of all, 

Enjoying Life

because

Time Flies.......Life Happens before you know it.

No Title

It seems almost impossible that I haven't blogged since Oct 24th, actually it seems longer.
Even harder to believe that Christmas is a week away.
Life has overtook anything I know of online.
It seems between work, work, more work, and everyday life there is no time.
A little gift of joy has entered our life, and is filling our weekends when we're not working.
So this Christmas instead of baking treats and making candy
I sit here taking a much needed rest not doing dirty dishes, or washing clothes but watching
my babies sleep.  In seconds of seeing them I am overwhelmed with love & joy.

They love napping together. 

I love seeing them snuggled.

We have been so blessed by having Chickie Monkey here with us on the weekends.

Wishing all of you a very Merry Christmas & a Happy New Year with your family & friends.

Thankful Sunday

Something we ALL need.

How Thankful I am to receive it.

My Two Most Amazing, Encouraging & Inspiring Ladies in My Life

Me with My Nannie & Momma

Normal time together

The Best Parents a Girl Could Dream Of

My Greatest Gift from God 

Love You Baby

and these 2 guys

My Wonderful Brothers

Thank You Lord for the Greatest Blessings in Life

8 Things about DH

Last night as I was laying in bed, warm and snug as a bug in a rug I was thinking.
(I know, sometimes that is very dangerous.)
I was thinking about DH.  He was still downstairs working on some stuff he had brought home.
I realized it's the little things he does that are sometimes the biggest.

1. He sets the alarm early so he can snuggle me before we have to get ready for work.

2. He lets me have free reign in the morning to get ready and stays out of my way.

3. He goes out and starts the car so that it's warm when I get in.

4. He holds my hand in the car to and from work.

5. He drops me off at the front door and tells me I look pretty, to have a good do and kisses me goodbye.

6. He goes up way before bed and starts the fireplace so it's nice and warm when I go up for bed.

7. He snuggles me in good when he comes to bed, and pets my head until I relax and am sound asleep.

8. We get to start all over again the next morning.

Did I mention how much I love this guy??

As I stood at this kitchen sink this morning washing up the punch bowl I watched the snow fall as softly as I felt the tears running down my cheek.  I was thinking of a text I received from a dear friend this morning telling of how lonely her and her husband's Christmas had seemed with no children or grandkids in their home.  I felt the loneliness for her.  This year the house has felt so empty.  I thought maybe it was just being in the new house and not quite feeling like it's "our home" instead of living in someone else's house.  Yesterday my home was full of family and comfort food but there was no comfort.  I felt like the lyrics from "Pretty Papper"

"In the distance of the ringing of laughter, and in the midst of the laughter  he cries."

 
Last night after coming back from Christmas at Momma & Dad's I sat here snuggled on the couch with DH enjoying the lights of the Christmas tree finding myself wondering if we will ever hear the pitter patter of little feet in our house during Christmas.  Someone peeking under the tree to see what is theirs.  Asking when we are going to read the story about Baby Jesus.  When they won't be able to sleep for the excitement of the next morning.  Will there ever be that excitement and laughter in our home.  In the midst of this I realized I have never felt more alone during Christmas.  There was family, food and love, but and emptiness that is indescribable.
My precious cousin who also had multiple miscarriages and loss once told me, "Maria, just think your babies are complete perfection in Heaven with Jesus and will be waiting when you get there."  I don't know how many times that kind word has kept me.  Sometimes the human side of me is much more selfish and more days than not I want them here with me.  Especially today when I should hear them laughing and playing.  Begging to go out in the snow and play with Daddy & me while it's falling.  
Today I will enjoy the day with Dave and the beauty of the day.  I will be praying for all the other couples who are feeling the same grief as we are today and that their homes will be full of giggles and pitter patter soon.

Merry Christmas

There Was A Guy

I met him my freshman year of high school through a mutual friend.

He was attending college in our little Podunk town. 

I remember the first time I met him.  He had a smile like no one else. It was infectious. 

He could light up a room with it, and make you smile when you wanted to cry or scream.

He quickly became a part of everyday life it seems.

Before I knew it 4yrs had passed.  School was out, and life began. 

He never left, no matter what. 

We saw lots of friends come and go.  Good dates, bad dates.  Funny stories. 

There wasn't one thing I would have ever held back from telling him. 

We shared secrets, hopes and dreams. 

He took me places.  Come got me in the middle of the night from places I shouldn't have been.

He talked to me in the middle of the night after my ex-husband left. 

We learned no matter how small the drop of Dawn NEVER put it in a dishwasher. 

When my Momma was sick with breast cancer, He held me every night while I cried myself to sleep. 

We cooked together, and played together. 

We shared inside stories and jokes.  

He taught me to love myself and how to let others love me. 

He encouraged me every day to do and be everything I wanted to be, never letting down. 

He was the first person I called when we found out I was pregnant.

He was the first person I called when I lost her. 

I called Him when they told me they thought I was in stage IV bladder cancer 2yrs ago. 

He promised He would be there, no matter what.

On Labor Day, on the way home from Indiana, I received a call. 

Jeff was gone.

I have lost my Dad, and an Uncle that was like a Dad, but it didn't prepare me for this.

DH had to pull over and let me out.  It had to be a bad dream, a joke. It wasn't. 

The next few days brought several emotions, but mostly anger.  

At myself.  For more reasons than I could list. 

I sit in a funeral home listening to a man who knew nothing about Him talk, wishing he would just shut up. 

I got more upset the longer I sat there.  It's the first time I wanted to hurt a preacher.  

I finally understood why people want to throw themselves or climb in a casket with someone. 

I wanted to shake him and wake him up.  Beg him to tell me it wasn't true.

I kissed him "hello" when I came in and "good-bye" going out, as to our ritual.

I went home, went to bed and started the next day as usual.  As well as the next, and the next. 

Then I woke up Sunday before last and that little routine was over. 

I have barely stopped crying since.

I know its not good but I can't make myself take his numbers out of my phone. 

Every time I see his name I want to call.   

DH is concerned I will never get over this.  

I told him grief has to come and it will go.  I am starting to wondering myself today.    

One of the last conversations we had was about time getting away and how we needed to make more time to spend together.  I was telling him how much I missed him and I hope he never doubted how much I loved him.  He told me not to worry He knew and that true love and friendships between people continues to grow stronger never diminishing with distance or time.  I sat on the bed and cried wishing the distance away at that moment. 

He is right.  True love & friendships never diminish.  They only grow stronger with time.  

Thank You Jeff.  

For all the yesterdays we had, and everything you taught me.

For the "secret" plan we had, we should have went through with.

For all the memories I have here with me forever in my heart & mind. 

For the friendship and love that will never diminish with time. 

I Love You, For Always,

Happy Anniversary DH

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY BABY!

I LOVE YOU!

THANK YOU FOR THE GREATEST 9YRS 

Week of Flashback

I didn't have much chance to blog about the past week or so.
I just got home from a dr's appt where I was so unimpressed.
Use to it annoyed me how people stereotyped people from Ky.
Today sitting in the dr's office waiting room I know why they do.
A young boy, with his Mom, & his dog.

He managed to consume 4 pkgs of reese cups, a bag of gum drops
and a bag of gummy bears in less than 10mins while his Mom slept.
Then his dog perched itself on "mother's" foot and relieved it's self.
Seriously, when did it become ok to bring your dogs to the dr's office??

So we celebrated Nan's 80th Birthday.
She received 97 cards from family and friends.

We had a wonderful lemon & strawberry cake with lemon curd filling

and strawberry butter cream icing.  All made from scratch by yours truly 

.

Yes, it was delicious!! 

DH also was able to get a turkey the first day of season this year.

I am so thankful so that I don't have to hear it :)

Although he says he could still get another one. 

I have also applied for a new position at work. 

I'm kind of unsure about it, but I guess we will see what happens this week.

We are down til 24 day until we leave out for our missions trip to Norway

to be with Bro & Sis Speer.  We can't wait to see all this

I also received some updated pictures of our God Children I guess you could say.

These are their pictures with their cousins, and their Mom & Dad from Easter.

I just can't believe how big they're getting!!

Time does fly.

Sunday Morning Thoughts

I love Sunday mornings.  To be up in the house alone and it quiet.

I can pray as I go.  Sing, and just talk one on one with the Lord.

The last few weeks I've been able to continue to pray, but talking to Him has been so much harder.

With everything going on with DH & I and the rest of our family it just seems I've not been able to find the words.

This song below is has been continuously in my heart and on my lips.

Because even through it all, even in the darkest valley, God is still so good to me and I can't complain.

Thank You Bro Don Johnson for writing & singing "I Can't Complain"

“Music is what feelings sound like.”
God is so Good to Me, I just Can't Complain.
I Love You Lord

Compassion & Love

This video below is about 2 local men.  It is a little long but well worth watching.
Lord give me compassion and love for ones I do not know that hurt and need love.

My Everything

This morning I woke up and saw you laying there, in a deep peaceful sleep

I thought to myself that, that is exactly how you make me feel.

I can lay snuggled next to you, while you pet my head, and my anxiety fades.

We've had a lot of anxiety the last 13 days.

Days I didn't want to get up. 

You are there, wiping my tears as you cried with me.

With God we have made it through.

Binding Us Together, making Us Stronger, Together.

I looked at my celly ringing this morning.

There was your picture from our trip to Dauphin Island last year.

I longed for Us a day like that again.

There will be more walks along the beach and days of sunshine I know.

Thank You for being my Everything.

God truly knew who I needed when He gave me You.

My Best Friend

My Partner in all Life's Turns

My Love more Precious than Gold

My Sunshine on Rainy Days

My Shelter during the Storm

I Love You,

Always.....

Easter Lillies & Love

Once there was a boy who loved a girl.

The boy had tried for years to show her his love.

He lavished her with diamonds & gold.

She would smile, and softly tell him "no"

He didn't realize that it was the simple things of life

that showed the greatest depths of love

she was trying to show him.

One spring day while out for a drive on the ridge & through the creek

they came upon a hillside full of Easter Lillies (aka daffodils)

He remembered her saying she loved Easter Lillies & Iris.

He threw the truck in park, jumped out like his britches were on fire.

She couldn't figure out what he was doing until he popped in the passenger window.

He started filling her lap, and the truck cab with Easter Lillies.

As he saw her laughing, and light up like a Christmas tree,

he realized for the first time what she meant about love being the simplicity of things,

instead of money or material objects.

Many moons have passed over since that day, 

but every time I see an Easter Lillie

( I guess I refer to them as that because they are always in full bloom here at Easter)

I think of that beautiful Spring day on the ridge

The love I felt, and the joy from seeing the understanding in his eyes

of how easy it is to love and show it.

I can't help but smile in the same way when I see them anywhere.

I close my eyes and I am back there again.

In that truck with Easter Lillies everywhere,

placed all through my house, on my desk, and on my car that Spring.

I Would Die For That

Please Help Out!!

A friend of mine sent me this email today:


There is a child in my son's class who has brain cancer and has been fighting it for about 3 years now. One of his wishes if to have 100 twitter followers. He told everyone this a couple of days ago and we are trying to get people to add him to there list. They are in california right now with him to see a doctor there

I told B if he would send me the information or link, I can post it on my main blog, because a lot of those ladies twitter. I will be happy to share it.

So ladies, here it is, a little boy needs our help to make his wish come true!!
Please "Twitter" him. 
It is called THEJORDANLIGHT.

~~Thank You~~

Love, Marriage, and 53hrs later.

So here we are at hour 53:15:07.
Yes I have started even counting the seconds since my MNL arrived.
We were doing great until about 3hrs ago. The even more sad part is we just come from church. Work tomorrow is looking really good!!

There should be some big bold lettering when you get married on the license that says,
"BE SURE YOU KNOW YOUR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS PARENTS BEFORE SIGNING THIS LINE".
If you are being married by a man of God, it should be even MORE questioned.
Something like the following:

Preacher: "Son, have you taken a good look at your future MNL?"
Groom: "Well, no, not really. I have been so intrigued by her daughter"
Preacher: "Son, I think you should take a very close look at her, and her actions because she is going to be the spitting image and action of her 20years from now or less. Do you STILL want to do this?"

One of two things transpire at this point: (1)Groom either says he can handle the task, and proceeds with the ceremony or (2)the Preacher helps Groom get the heck outta dodge.


Preacher: "Dear, have you spent much time with your future in laws?"
Bride: "Well, sort of. I was there for dinner at Thanksgiving and Christmas, they seemed nice enough"
Preacher: "Dear, they always seem "nice" when their son FINALLY brings one home, but have you really been able to spend any one on one time with them? (1)Do you think you are ready to have these people meddling, and giving you unwanted advice for the next 40yrs? (2)Do you see yourself being their caregiver 20 years from now?"


Now the Bride, having more compassion, or stupidity I am not sure which is some dumbstruck and says, "YES!! I LOVE HIM, I will DO ANYTHING for him!!"

And that question list should be about 3 questions more if you are considering marrying an only child.

Please don't get me wrong, I love my DH more than life it's self. That is why I continue to be nice to his Dad, Stepmother, and Mother, and do extremely nice things for him since puts up with mine, and my brothers. Yet I still have to question my sanity and many others.

At least I am able to hangout in my "blog world" freely!! It is my escape.
Don't get me completely wrong, she is a nice lady. She is good to me. (Well it took 6 of my & DH's years together to remotely start being nice to me, I moved up to "Maria" instead of "That Girl", I am not kidding here. I mean really who could make this stuff up??)

Now it is 115 hours until departure........wish me luck!!!!

Is this my life??

I'm in my car driving home tonight. I am looking at all the snow, ice and fallen trees. It's a beautiful sight. With a 60mile car ride one way, it gives me way too much time to think sometimes. So here is today's rambling for ya.

I grew up in this small town in East KY. Born and raised. We did have family vacations so I had the opportunity to see alot of the US. Unlike a lot of people of this area, who think that Lexington is another country. (Please don't think bad of me, it's true, and I'm not doing this to be mean, please read on and you will see)

So, I start my life as an adult too early, marrying at the young age of 18yrs, and still in high school. No, I wasn't "in the way" as some probably suspected, but thought I was "in love". Before my 21st birthday I was divorced.

2yrs later I met my Hubby, and 2yrs after that we were married. Now he then is what I thought was a "big" city. Being from Bloomington IN. (Ok, so I was wrong, but it was like 10times bigger than my town) So I moved there and married him. I soon moved "up" in the world and was able to obtain my "dream job" being a pharmaceutical rep. I was moved to Kansas City MO where I was able to live in a "BIG" city.

Let me just say, I LOVED KC!!! Everything about it, except the traffic jams when we lived close to the stadiums. I loved being able to get something to eat 24/7. To catch a movie anytime of the day, and see anything I would want to see. There was always something to do, some place to go. (If you ever need a list of "things to do while in Kansas City" please let me know I can hook ya up. We also made some wonderful, wonderful friends there who we think of as family.
After my uncle passed away here, and Nannie became sick, Hubby's Grandma's health started to decline, we decided we needed to be closer. So we loaded up the truck and we moved to Ole Ky. At the time it felt as though I was moving to where the Beverly Hillbillies came from. I felt devastated to give all that up. An awesome job, a beautiful home, freedom to do things, etc.

Then tonight driving home I realized, I am happy. I am happy here and love my normal, boring, simple life. Oh there is always drama, between work, and my brother (that is for another day). I love being right where I am. I love the beauty of the area. I love that people aren't interested in "keeping up with the Jones'" well there are some, but not like big areas. People here are loving and kind. They are often times like family, I can talk about you, but don't let an outsider, lol.
I think it is awesome that I have friends who I have known since grade school. I'm not talking about "acquaintances", I'm talking about friends who even if you go days, weeks, or months without talking, if you call them or they hear you need something, they are always there.

I am blessed to have watched my baby brother finish school, his proms, and now watch him become an outstanding young man in college. I have been able to spend time with Nannie I would not give all the money in the world for. I get all four seasons in the mnts here.

Tonight on the way home, as I was looking around I realized how much I love this area, and it's people. I know if you are from the "city" life you don't understand. People are different here. It reminds me of Mayberry sometimes. They roll up the streets when the sun goes down. It is an area where they still show respect and support to the community. To one another. It makes me feel something I don't even know how to express.

Both worlds fit me, but I love this one more. It made me think of the movie "Sweet Home Alabama". If you have not seen it, get it. It's hilarious, but it does remind me of my life.

Ok, that's my ramble for today!!

P.S. If it's illegal to post this pic of sweet home, I'm sorry. lol