Transitioning

Transition. It’s almost become a dirty word to me. I’ve been stuck in “transitions” for the last 10yrs. Maybe longer but this particular one is taking its toll. We’ll get to how it all started 10yrs ago later but for now, I want to talk about the current one. 

It started about a year ago. It’s taken a few years for my pride to lesson enough to let people help me. Especially my folks. For so long my husband and I kept everything we went through extremely private and attempted everything on our own. Finally we let my folks in more. A little over a year ago my Mama was healed of stage IV breast cancer that had metastasized all over her body. That’s kinda how we got here. 

After her healing we slowly let them in more of how much I am struggling with my health. They stepped up, not only because she was better but in the year she was sick I found how much I love them and enjoyed their presence. That old saying that, you’ll hate your parents from around 14-22 is true. But if you’re fortunate enough they can become your closest friends and comfort. 

Now, about 5-6yrs ago my parents had become snowbirds. Spending 3-4 months at the ocean from Dec-March. This was good. We enjoyed the visit we would take down during this time. Before my Mama got sick, they’d talked about moving. That was a great idea, then. All that changed when she got sick, they decided to be snowbirds for the time. Then everything changed. She got better, I got worse. I needed and loved them being here so much. Mama on bad days just to be “here” and Dad taking me to all my doctors appointments because I didn’t need to drive. 

Then the last 8 months transpired. They kept saying they wanted to move to the ocean. I kept saying to do that they had to put their house up for sale. What was I thinking?? Lol. Their house sold within a couple of weeks and Sept 1st they were at the ocean. My latest transition started. I felt lost, my peace and joy gone. My husband and I were on our own again in this journey. 

Don’t get me wrong, we’re happy for their new journey. I just felt like things would never be normal again. Emotionally I’ve been holding it together with one bobby pin. It’s selfish, right? It’s just after almost losing her to cancer our relationships changed. I hate her & Dad not being 15mins away. The dog and I could run over. I miss my time bonding with my Dad. It took so long to get to this place with them. But I know God is still good. He will take care of me. 

For now, I’m enjoying the trips down to the ocean. Our relationships are moving to a different level. Plus I’m also getting to watch my youngest niece grow and change on these trips and visits. I couldn’t be more blessed. 

Random Update

Ahhhhhh.........for the first time in weeks I can finally sit and try to post.
What a long journey these last 3 months have been.
We are still without a house, but we are getting close.  We have found one we both really like.
The orginal house from an earlier post, someone out bid us, but unfortunately for them, their loan fell thru.
At this time we've found something that is more us probably.
Just a 3 bedroom ranch, but it has a sun/florida room the full length of the back of the house.
We will see soon enough.  The lady who owns it, is moving out, so we would be able to move in quickly.

Finally getting adjusted to the new job at work.  I like it a lot better than where I was.  Of course it has things that I miss from the old one, but I love the lady I work with and sometimes that is ALOT!!
I am sure when I get back in a routine you will be hearing more about Ms Linda.

Since the post in July I have started making a lot of changes within myself.  Something just woke up in me I guess, and decided I didn't want to be that way anymore.  Oh, I know I can't change everything, but attitude is so much of how we are.  Mine had gone sour, and then some.  I just decided it was time to be me.
I have to be honest and say that some do not like the changes.  Although they are not drastic, it is hard on people when you no longer let them control you.  Be it what you do, how you act, how you respond, or what you are.  Everyday I get up with a smile, and there it is.  Everyone else can get over it, lol.
Life is too short not to enjoy it.  I am only 33 and it's time I start acting and looking it.  Not 80.  (No offense to anyone 80 or over, I'm just not there yet)  You have two choices in life, hang on to things, or let them go.  Sometimes you can't survive unless you let them go.  I couldn't remember a time in my life I hadn't been an adult.  My Momma will even tell you she's talked to me like one since I was 3. 

Yesterday I went to see my new OB/GYN again.  Mrs. Smith just hasn't wanted to leave since about June.
He did two ultrasounds yesterday and scheduled me for a little exploratory surgery and D & C today.
I guess we have finally found the cause of my miscarrying so much.  I have two uteruses.  One is smaller than the other of course, but it still causes my pregnancy to be short.  Good to know after all this time, right?
My Momma is relieved.  Me I am no longer sure.  I wanted a baby for so long.  Now I have to ask was it me who wanted it, or did I want it for Dave and Momma?  I don't know anymore.  I don't know if it's the roller coaster I've been on for so long that I decided to take a break from, or if I truly don't want any.
I do have 2 younger brothers, a dog, and a DH, do I need the extra?? lol.
Ok, so maybe that wasn't too funny, but honestly.  It's something to think about for now.
Whatever God's plan is, is what I'll go with.  For now, until everything is resolved, I'm going on the pill to help regulate, and see about reconstructive surgery. 

Whew, that was a lot today!!
Now I am going to try and get caught up on all of you!!!


Maybe next week, I will get back into my normal weekly routine.